Not How I Expected: My Story

My story of becoming a mother is a unique and beautiful one, but also full of isolation. I was a classical freelance musician. Living abroad in France. During the pandemic.

For years I had been living the expat classical musician’s dream in Paris - my performing career involved lots of travel for concerts, both in France and all across Europe. I was performing at the biggest halls in Paris, for a wide variety of projects, playing principal viola with an orchestra in Dijon, chamber music in France, Spain and in the Netherlands, and giving interactive concerts through Juilliard at international schools all around Europe (with our very own Michelle Lynne!) 

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, so I was over the moon when my husband and I were expecting our first child in 2020. 

I knew that my lifestyle of planes and trains would change, and going through pregnancy in a foreign country would come with inevitable challenges that I happily embraced - but I could never have imagined the experience coming when the world abruptly shut down in March 2020 due to the covid pandemic, a world phenomenon that we all experienced. I was four months pregnant, living in a tiny 32 sq meters (344 sq ft) down the street from the Eiffel Tower, on the 5th floor (6th floor for Americans) with, of course, no elevator. (This kept me very in shape while pregnant!) 

In Paris we faced government restrictions that are unfathomable (and unconstitutional) from the American point of view. To give you a brief idea - we were allowed to leave our homes only to go to the grocery store, pharmacy, or for health appointments. For exercise we were allowed outside once per day, for a maximum of one hour, and had to stay within a one-kilometer radius of our home !! We had to write a self-permission slip each time we stepped outside our homes, stating the date, home address, time of departure, and the reason for our outing. The police in Paris were actually checking our permission slips. 

We can all remember the world shutting down, concerts being canceled around the globe, the uncertainty of the future, and closed borders. But as a mother-to-be the silver lining was being able to put my feet up during the second half of pregnancy and be totally inward-focused during this special time, witnessing each slight change in my body and being completely in awe of pregnancy. I remember not opening my wallet for the nearly three months of the strict lockdown - my husband did all of the waiting in long lines (each person 6 feet apart) outside the grocery store.

I spent my lockdown days creating a routine of prenatal yoga, reading books on pregnancy from cover to cover, practicing to stay in shape (believing beyond doubt that we’d all be back playing concerts by June), learning about marketing and business skills, running The Fearless Artist Mastermind, and enjoying time with my husband.

Once the strict restrictions were lifted in the summer, my husband and I drove up to Normandy to the seaside. I’ll never forget standing barefoot on the beach, breathing in the salty air and feeling a total sense of freedom after being cooped up in a tiny apartment for the better part of three months.

….

The fact that concerts all around the world were canceled and musicians’ entire careers changed overnight was unimaginable but it lifted all of the pressure off my shoulders to be out performing while I made my transition into motherhood and the postpartum period. This in a way was a gift - time had stood still, and we were able to bring our child into the world in a little cocoon. It also shielded me from any possible career guilt while staying home with my infant, since no one else was out performing either!

The more difficult things the pandemic brought included having to attend ultrasounds without my husband by my side and the borders being closed so my parents were not able to be present for the birth of our son. Then after the birth we experienced incredible isolation - we barely saw any other humans for the first several months of our son’s life; I will be forever thankful to my husband for taking on 100% of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and being the most supportive partner! No family members on either side got to meet him in person until he was five months old and we were able to travel to the US, still terrified of catching or transmitting covid. 

It wasn’t how I expected it would all happen, but with our gorgeous, healthy baby we were so happy and nothing else mattered. Many people ask me how my husband and I managed after our baby was born, without any help. It was incredibly challenging but we made it work. There were no other options. Through this experience, we truly discovered the resilience of the human spirit and our ability to overcome any obstacle.

Did you also give birth or become a parent during the pandemic? Or while living abroad? Did you face isolation as a new parent? Comment below and let me know what your parental pandemic experience was like!