Finding Internal Harmony: 4 Tips for Overwhelmed New Musician Moms
As a musician having recently entered motherhood, do you ever feel completely overwhelmed with an endless number of tasks to do, both around the house and for your music career, not to mention the very basics of keeping your little one happy, healthy and safe?
We’ve got the everyday to-do list: You need to schedule and stay on top of doctor's appointments, arrange child care for your ever-changing schedule as a busy freelance musician. You squeeze in practicing your instrument, do admin emails while baby is sleeping, and maybe you are pumping or spending extra time preparing to be away from your baby while in rehearsal or teaching. You are constantly cleaning up baby messes of all kinds, all while (probably) severely sleep deprived.
Then there are the unexpected curveballs that seem to happen on a daily basis: colic that keeps you up all night, ear infections, pink eye, mysterious rashes, diaper blowouts, sleep regressions, having to find emergency childcare when your babysitter is sick so you can still get to rehearsal on time. And so on and so forth.
This mental load goes above and beyond your imagination. You find yourself in situations you didn't even previously consider having to deal with. Toss in a few adulting issues like car problems, staying on top of your bills, making sure you don’t run out of grocery essentials mid-week, and some days it all just feels like too much, like there just aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything.
This is how I have felt much of the time when I've come out of the newborn baby bubble (of bliss and sleep deprivation) and gotten back into performing, teaching, and building my online business.
Two kids in and I still have days where juggling everything just feels like too much - like an hourglass where I have eight hours of work to do in only three or four hours.
I find myself prioritizing the urgent tasks and unmovable things in my schedule and only get more stressed out about the things for my career I really need to be doing.
So what can be done about the overwhelm?
1. Take a deep breath. You are doing your very best. You are a devoted, present, loving parent who also prioritizes maintaining your career as a performing musician, and that’s a lot to handle. But seriously, take a deep breath, feel a sense of calm, and try to prevent your brain from spiraling downward with step number two:
2. Show self-compassion. Imagine your friend just told you they were feeling the overwhelm described above; what would you tell them? Then show yourself the same compassion and repeat after me: “I'm doing my best and right now that’s enough.” Parenting is hard work. Juggling freelance musician life is hard too. Mix them together and there will be tough days but you’ll get through it.
3. Don't compare yourself to other musicians - parents or non-parents. It's unhelpful. Remember you are on your own path. And no parent has it together 24/7. In my opinion, if you are a parent you are a superhero and if you are doing even a smidgen of any professional activity in addition then that alone is impressive!
4. Pick just one thing. Some days are going to be crazy and nothing goes to plan, despite your best intentions. The house is a mess. The laundry needs to be done. Your to-do list is staring you in the eyes. But pick just one thing to check off your to do list for the day and that's it. No pressure to get anything else done on that day because once you've done the one thing, you have already accomplished something that needed to happen. And for today - one thing is enough.
In conclusion - for those times when you feel stressed out of your mind, or overwhelmed to tears, just know that this is such a special period of life with your little one, you are doing an amazing job, and some days are harder than others. And just remember, on some days everything can wait because your little one needs you, and that's all you can handle.
And that's ok.
Did any of these tips help you? How do you deal with overwhelm and finding calm through the chaos? Comment below!
